So many of us are afraid of failure, so much so that we come up with the most ridiculous excuses as to why we can’t or won’t do whatever it is that we “claim” we want to do. “Oh, it doesn’t feel like the right time; I don’t have enough money; I’m already too stressed out; My schedule is already hectic; I don’t feel like I’ll have enough support.” No matter how you put it an excuse is an excuse. We tend to use excuses when we are afraid. But why? Why is failure such a big bad scary thing? It’s literally something that everyone goes through. The problem is that too much of the time we look at failure as a negative outcome when it should be viewed as motivation and inspiration to move forward. Failure builds character, failure increases wisdom, failure is necessary, failure is inevitable, but last but not least failure is your friend. We have to start embracing every challenge or obstacle along the way in order to reach that final goal. Several times in life I’ve heard the saying “rules are meant to be broken”, well I’m not sure if I agree with that completely but what I do believe is that “lessons are meant to be learned”; but how can you do that without going forward with your plan? Ummm yeah, you kinda can’t! So even if/when your plan doesn’t turn how you imagined it to just take it as a learning experience and simply try again. DO NOT let failure defeat you. Why are you letting failure stop you to starting or finishing something? If you didn’t fail did you even really try? Just because you failed once or hell maybe even a few times doesn’t mean that you can’t try again. Relax, take it back to the drawing board, make a note of what’s working and what has played a role into the failure, revise, implement new ideas, seek out advice from others in your field, smile and try again. Success does NOT happen overnight although it may seem that way these days, especially on social media. Take those chances, learn those lessons, gain that wisdom, and don’t give up! Do yourself a favor and befriend failure; I would even say anticipate it but change your perspective, remain determined and learn to enjoy your journey!
The accounts you follow online play a lot into your mental health whether you notice it or not! Following friends and family is the norm but when you start following mostly celebrities and gossip sites you’re opening your world up to a bunch of negativity, including anger, jealousy, discouragement, depression, & anxiety just to name a few. And yeah sure you can feel those emotions without being on social media however you have a greater chance of being affected the more that you’re online. Think about it, every time you log on you’re seeing these negative posts focused on embarrassing or exposing a celebrity (who are people with feelings too smh), posts about some BS “lose weight quick” products, a bunch of unhealthy “good looking” foods being posted, people engaging in unnecessary drama, people constantly bullying and shaming each other, and don’t even get me started on the comment section of almost any social media platform 🤦🏾♀️. Let’s all just take a moment to evaluate who we’re following online, unfollow or remove all of the negative and start following more pages that are uplifting. When I first followed @Plantbasedvibes (Twitter) & @greenwithin (Instagram) she made such a difference in my day! Her posts are not the super corny typical motivation “do the right thing” type of posts. She posts about relatable everyday type of situations, delicious plant-based food pictures, and recipes, mental & physical health tips, & she’s constantly reminding us to drink water and to be nice. Her focus is for the betterment of people and that’s the type of positivity and encouragement I like to see on my timeline. She interacts with her followers, gives us the best advice, and even gives out goodies from time to time (free food…yum). She’s based in the DMV (DC, Maryland, Virginia) area, yet she has helped to encourage & motivate people from all over the country and even some across the world! If you aren’t already following her then please do now, her page is such a breath of fresh air & I actually look forward to seeing her posts whenever I’m online.
Talk is cheap, so cheap that it’s actually free. Anyone can say anything, but who are they trying to convince? Everyone else or themselves? You see it’s the action that captures the attention of not only your own consciousness but of others as well. It’s okay to voice your goals and aspirations but if you’re not putting forward effort into making them reality then what’s the point? Once you’ve come to an agreement with yourself on something you want to do whether it’s singing, modeling, photography, starting a catering business or whatever it is that you want to do, here are a few questions I want you to answer to yourself. Do you really want this? Are you willing to make sacrifices to make it happen? Does this make you happy? Ok now, 9/10 the answer to those question was yes but how about these: Do you believe that I can really accomplish this goal? (If you don’t believe it then it won’t happen…point blank period.) If you don’t accomplish this goal before a certain time frame will you continue or give up? (Don’t put yourself on a time schedule, be patient with the process, nothing’s more fulfilling than when your time comes organically.) Are you mentally prepared for the challenges to come? (If you think it’s gonna be easy then think again my dear, some days you’re gonna wanna quit but don’t. You’ll look back and appreciate the beauty of the struggle.) Will you allow negativity to consume you when things don’t go your way? (To get in an occasional funk is to be expected but to stay there? Ehhh. Not beneficial. Even when things aren’t ok just tell yourself that they are :). ) Are you secretly competing with or comparing yourself to your peers in the same field? (Don’t ever do this! You don’t know their story. Worry about you! Maybe reach out to them for advice? Learn from their strategies & combine them with your game plan. Maybe even suggest a collab? After all, you’re in the same field. I don’t see the issue.)
- Believe- If you don’t believe what you’re saying then you’re just wasting your time, energy and breath. You can endure anything along the way, you just have to convince your mind that it’s possible.
- Practice what you preach- Very simple, mean what you say, say what you mean! Do it! Don’t lose focus trying to look like you’re making moves and actually make them. Let your actions lead the way and everything else shall follow.
- Find an inspiration/motivation- Instead of comparing or competing why not look at them as motivation or inspiration? Tell yourself “That’s where [I wanna/ I’m gonna] be one day” instead of “How did they get this before me?”. Find someone in your field that you can learn from and don’t stop working!
- Patience- Learn patience if you don’t learn anything else. It’s the only thing that will keep you sane. Anything worthwhile takes hard work, dedication and endurance so keep that in mind for the next time you’re feeling like throwing the towel in.
- Positivity- Don’t dwell. Shit happens, take that L (lesson in this case), take what you need from it and move on. Be happy that you get another chance to do it, now with even more knowledge than before. Take control of your emotions and learn to be optimistic. Let go of the “all or nothing” attitude and instead practice gratitude!
The Friend Zone Podcast hosted by the three beautiful souls known as Hey Fran Hey, Assante, & Dustin Ross was created back in 2015 and their progress, to say the least, is inspiring! They are the most hilarious, talented, educated, and down to earth group of internet friends that you never knew you needed! When I listen to their podcast I often find myself talking back to them, as if they can really hear me LOL. They really have you engaged, from the various topics to random sidebars, I just really love tuning in to The Friend Zone Podcast. So much so that I have incorporated TFZ into my weekly list of “feel good” activities. Every week, on Wednesdays a new show is released, they start off with a recap from the last show then they touch on several topics during 5 specific segments, ” The Wellness Segment” presented by Fran, “Mr. Music Man Segment” by Assante’, “TV Land” by actor Dustin Ross, “Black Business of the Week Segment”, and lastly the “Asking For a Friend Segment”.
During Frans “Wellness Segment” she gives the listeners tips on how to relieve stress, how to and reasons to eat clean, growing and becoming comfortable with yourself, skin-care, and so much more but to sum it up overall lifestyle wellness tips. The “Mr. Music Man” segment hosted is by Assante’ as he puts us on to the some of the best upcoming artists, he seriously has put me on to so many singers & rappers that has changed my life (Ari Lennox, Sango, Tobe Nwigwe, & Doja Cat just to name a few)! His taste in music is definitely on point, and he’s even kind enough to make monthly playlists for the listeners on Spotify and Apple. The “TV Land” segment by actor and comedian, Mr. Dustin Ross will have you rolling! During his segment, he gives his honest reviews on the latest tv shows, movies, and series. He has also put me on to many shows and series that I more than likely wouldn’t have given a chance such as Married to Medicine, Handmade Tales, Star, and many more. And after the three main segments, they end the show by shouting out a black business and then answering a few questions from the listeners via email. Whether the business is local or across the world, I command them because they are doing an amazing thing by giving people a chance to promote their business for free on their platform. And last but not least the “Asking For a Friend Segment” where our questions are answered, with some great advice from all three hosts. So there you have it your weekly dose of everything mental health, mental wellness, and mental hygiene because who in the hell wants a musty brain? Be sure to tune in this week and every week going forward! You can listen on Soundcloud, Spotify, or Apple Music by searching The Friend Zone Podcast.
“Speak it into existence” ok & then what just wait for a miracle to happen? I think too many of us take sayings/prayers/whatever it is that you do entirely too literal. It’s wonderful to pray, to speak positivity and encouraging things into the universe to keep you motivated or in good spirits. However, you still have to put in work! You still have to keep putting in an effort to make that a reality, you can’t just say something over and over without taking action of backing it up. Manifestation has a lot to do with “The Law of Attraction”, it takes focus, co-creating activities, patience, keeping your vibrations high, and last but not least clearness (Make sure that you’re crystal clear in what you’re asking for. For example, let’s say I ask the universe for a computer. And by the end of next week, one of my friends end up giving me their old computer because they just got a new one. However, this gifted computer has buttons missing and a quickly dying battery. Maybe not what I had in mind but I got my computer right?). If you’re having difficulty with the process of manifesting then take a look below for some tips and motivation that will help lead you.
1. Focus; make whatever it is that you’re wanting to manifest a priority. Always keep it in your mind, talk about it, dream about it. Make it your center of interest! If you really want it you have to be serious about it. Don’t go to the universe asking for things if you’re going to be half-assed with it.
2. Co-creating activities; working towards your goal creates a higher chance for making your goal come true sooner. If you want to be a stylist create a portfolio and send it to those in your field, go to the meet-ups, offer free services to public figures, do whatever it is you have to do and just ask for the universe to back you up!
3. Patience; trust the process. Things don’t happen overnight! Don’t be in too much of a rush that you lose sight of why you want what you want. Longevity over everything, you could reach your goal overnight and that can last 5 minutes. So just relax, don’t get frustrated, don’t doubt. Believe that you’re getting closer to your goals because you truly are!
4. Keeping your vibrations high; simply do things that put you in a good mood. Stay happy and positive. The universe feeds off energy, you send your “waves” to the universe and it bounces back to you so keep that in mind. Spend some time each day (twice a day, morning and night) meditating, singing, dancing, drawing, or whatever it is you do to escape and feel good. Doing this twice or more will guarantee that your spirits are lifted at all times.
5. Clearness; to reiterate BE CLEAR! Let it be known exactly what you want, because if not the universe will be left to guess and you’ll end up with whatever. And that would defeat the purpose. Speak specifics, speak details. Don’t just say “I want to be in a new house next year”, say something more along the lines of “By the end June 2019 I will be in a new house that’s designed by me and built from the ground up”. Just be clear about what you want so there are no surprises about what you get.
Manifestation is real, don’t doubt it, put in the work, and stay patient! Congratulations in advance 🙂
So you’ve found your mantra (read part 1 if you haven’t already, simply type “mantra meditation” in the search bar, located in the footer of the website) or so you’ve thought but still can’t seem to remain focused during your practice. At this point, you may be feeling discouraged, confused or maybe even frustrated and I’m here to tell you that I get it. I do, I completely understand! Mastering meditation is not an easy task, it takes dedication, patience, mental strength, and desire. Struggle in the beginning stages is natural, but with continued practice and maybe implementing a few methods to ease the process (mantras, music, humming, etc) you will finally meet the internal peace that you’ve been yearning for in no time!
A mantra can honestly be any positive quote or saying known to man. Something you googled, something you heard on the radio, even something you personally made up. However, when it comes to choosing your personal mantra there should be just a bit of thought put into it. Without thought, you most likely will end up in the same position, unfocused, frustrated, discouraged….etc. So adopting the “right” mantra could be apart of the problem in terms of being able to focus. When you selected your mantra from what standards did you make your choice? Was it something to inspire you, something that reflects your beliefs, or something completely foreign? In my opinion, I feel that whatever prompts your selection should be words to live by. Don’t just choose any old mantra, find something that is personal to you! Don’t allow others to set the tone for you, just because something sounds good or your friend or a famous figures uses it or has used it doesn’t mean that that mantra is for you. Take the time and do research, find something aspiring, relate it to your personal goals even. Don’t just use the mantra to get through the meditation session, let the mantra use you. If you lose focus count down from 10 and try again. Aspire to become the words that you are chanting. Believe in your words, speak them confidently, relax your shoulders, inhale, exhale and repeat!
Revisit Tips for Beginner Meditation:
Revisit Mantra Meditation Pt 1:
No matter where you are in the world right now I’m sure any and everyone will be able to relate to this post. When it’s warm and sunny your mood is all smiles and excitement, when it’s pouring down raining your mood is “ehhh…do I really have to go?”, when it’s cold and breezy you dread opening up the door to take that first step outside, and the list goes on. Let’s face it, the weather affects our moods which can then have a trickle affect on your life for that season. But let’s talk about when we’re entering a season that we’re not very fond of, such as winter (for all of my US, Canada, UK, etc. peeps) or rainy season (for all my Southeast Asia peeps). Having to go out in the world and handle your business, which may already be stressful on top of dealing with in-ideal weather day in and day out is bound to have a negative affect on you eventually. Study and research has proven that colder and rainier seasons are the peak of depression, anxiety, stress, etc and we know that weather is unpredictable and out of our control (let’s forget about the government conspiracies here for a moment). So what can we do to prevent the negative thoughts and raise our spirits when enduring unwanted weathers? Complain? Nah, that doesn’t change anything and is very annoying to hear. Procrastinate or reschedule? Nope! Ummm what are you waiting for? Slow feet don’t eat. Be in a bad mood and present anger to everyone you come in contact with? Uh un…Good vibes only! Being mad at the world is only punishing yourself because it’s such a beautiful place. It’s all about perspective. Just remember that weather is only temporary! So…here’s a few things we can actually do: If it’s raining, dark and gloomy, try wearing bright colors and also writing with bright pens or markers that day. Try making an upbeat motivating playlist and listen to it on your way to your destination (music has always been a mood changer for me). Or try doing a quick work out to motivate you into leaving the house. If it’s freezing and windy, bundle up and make time to enjoy a hot cup of tea or coffee before you step out. Try lighting a candle with your favorite most comforting scent and take a whiff. Try throwing your coat, jacket, socks, etc in the dryer and taking it out just before it’s time to leave (this is my favorite thing to do when it’s cold lol). Or you could start planning your next vacation to somewhere warm and make a count down (planning vacations always gets me excited no matter how far away the vacation is lol). I’m sure there are many other things you can do to keep yourself motivated but I thought I’d just share a few of the methods that have helped me! If you have more methods please comment or send me an email and I’ll be more than happy to add them to this post. Until next time peeps, remember that “It is only in sorrow bad weather masters us; in joy we face the weather and defy it” – Amelia Barr